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The good news is there are easy ways to keep your internet use safe and constructive. We’ve compiled some of our best advice here, along with resources for deeper dives. 

Though thorough, it’s not exhaustive. There may be other risks that emerge, especially as new devices and apps come to market. But, as you read through our guides and quick guides, two things are common to all risk management: critical thinking and parental involvement. Critical thinking skills can help teens better understand and manage all risks — including risks that may emerge in the future — and parental involvement provides young people with the advice, support and — in some cases — supervision that can help them stay safe, thrive and larn to protect themselves for their entire lives.

Interacting with old and new friends on social media & messaging apps

  • Be kind online and treat people the way you’d want to be treated.  If someone’s mean to you, try not to react, and definitely don’t retaliate. Use privacy tools to block anyone who is being mean.
  • It’s OK to disagree and engage in spirited debate, but keep it civil. Being aggressive and mean doesn’t persuade anyone. It just reflects badly on you.
  • Know how to report abuse or block anyone who bothers you and others.
  • Be wary of anyone who says you or a family member owes them money unless you are sure they are legitimate.
  • Be very cautious before sharing intimate photos with anyone, even someone you trust. A friend can become an ex-friend, and once an image is online, it may be impossible to have it removed.
  • Be cautious about sarcasm and humor. Something that may be funny in person could be misinterpreted online.
  • Learn to use each service or app’s privacy settings.
  • Don’t let friends or strangers pressure you to be someone you aren’t. And know your limits. You may be internet savvy, but people and relationships change, and unexpected stuff can happen on the internet.
  • Think about what you post. Sharing provocative photos or intimate details online, even in private messaging, can cause you problems later on. Even people you consider friends can use this info against you, especially if they become ex-friends. And even if they remain good friends, they can be hacked, their devices can be stolen, or they could accidentally forward what you sent them.
  • Read between the “lines.” It may be fun to check out new people for friendship or romance, but be aware that while some people are nice, others act nice because they’re trying to get something. Flattering or supportive messages may be more about manipulation than friendship or romance.
  • Avoid in-person meetings. The only way someone can physically harm you is if you’re both in the same location, so – to be 100% safe – don’t meet them in person. If you really must get together with someone you “met” online, don’t go alone. Have the meeting in a public place, tell a parent or some other solid backup, and bring some friends along.

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Security and passwords

  • Use strong and unique passwords (more at connectsafely.org/passwords)
  • Don’t automatically click on links in emails. They can be fake and lead you to malicious sites. Type in the web address yourself. When in doubt, call the bank or company that sent you the email.
  • Make sure your phone is locked. Secure your smartphone with a PIN (minimum 4-digit number), password, fingerprint or other method.
  • Don’t respond to anyone who tells you your computer is infected with a virus, even if they claim they’re with Microsoft, Apple or your internet provider.

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Shopping, banking, donating and contests
  • If it sounds too good to be true, it’s too good to be true. You can’t win a contest you didn’t enter.
  • Only shop at reputable online merchants. When in doubt, ask around.
  • Never send cash or wire money. Use credit cards, if possible, otherwise debit cards or legitimate payment services like Paypal.
  • When shopping or banking, look for secure sites where the web address starts with HTTPS. The “s” stands for “secure.”
  • Do some research before donating online to make sure the charity is legitimate and that the money is going to the right place.
  • Never give out your social security number, Medicare number or any other identification unless you’re sure it’s necessary, such as applying for credit.

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Using apps and unknown websites
  • Read reviews before downloading smartphone apps.
  • Pay attention to what permission smartphone apps ask for before you download or use them.
  • Know and use the privacy settings for any device, app or service you use.
  • Don’t provide any personal information on a website unless you are certain it’s legitimate, and even then, only if necessary.

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Privacy

  • You can’t have privacy without security, so make sure your devices and apps are secure.
  • Know how to configure privacy settings in all your devices and apps (see below for tips).
  • Don’t disclose personal information online, including your address, phone number, social security number, credit card numbers, passwords etc., except where absolutely necessary.
  • Be aware of anything or person that’s in your photos. Ask permission before posting photos of others.
  • Be aware of disclosing your location in photos or posts. It’s not necessarily a bad thing but think about it first.

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Inappropriate content

  • For the most part, just about anything imaginable is online somewhere, including things that you might not want to see and certainly don’t want your children to see.
  • There are tools that can filter what you or your children can view online. In general, these tools — called filters — prevent you or them from getting to certain websites, typically those that contain sexually explicit content, graphic violence or promote harmful substances or behaviors. Though many of these tools are very good, none are perfect, and none take the place of involved parenting.
  • Google and many other companies have ways to limit what you can find in search or what you can view on YouTube, and there are filters or controls available for many devices and apps as you can see from the links below.

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Media literacy and fake news

  • Be aware that not everything you read online is necessarily true.
  • Consider the source, and if you have any doubt, do a little online research to see if it’s likely true.
  • Never share anything that you have any reason to doubt. It’s not only bad to share inaccurate information, but it also hurts your credibility.
  • Be aware of your emotional response to media. Just because something seems horrible, confirms your bias or makes you feel “right” doesn’t make it true.

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Cyberbullying: Tips for kids and teens

  • Know that it’s not your fault. What people call “bullying” is sometimes an argument between two people. But if someone is repeatedly cruel to you, that’s bullying, and you mustn’t blame yourself. No one deserves to be treated cruelly.
  • Don’t respond or retaliate. Sometimes a reaction is exactly what aggressors are looking for because they think it gives them power over you, and you don’t want to empower a bully. As for retaliating, getting back at a bully turns you into one – and can turn one mean act into a chain reaction. If you can, remove yourself from the situation. If you can’t, sometimes humor disarms or distracts a person from bullying.
  • Save the evidence. The only good news about bullying online or on phones is that it can usually be captured, saved, and shown to someone who can help. You can save that evidence in case things escalate.
  • Tell the person to stop. This is completely up to you – don’t do it if you don’t feel totally comfortable doing it because you need to make your position completely clear that you will not stand for this treatment anymore. You may need to practice beforehand with someone you trust, like a parent or good friend.
  • Reach out for help – especially if the behavior’s really getting to you. You deserve backup. See if there’s someone who can listen, help you process what’s going on and work through it – a friend, relative or maybe an adult you trust.
  • Use available tech tools. Most social media apps and services allow you to block the person. Whether the harassment’s in an app, texting, comments or tagged photos, do yourself a favor and block the person. You can also report the problem to the service. That probably won’t end it, but you don’t need the harassment in your face, and you’ll be less tempted to respond. If you’re getting threats of physical harm, you should call your local police (with a parent or guardian’s help) and consider reporting it to school authorities.
  • Protect your accounts. Don’t share your passwords with anyone – even your closest friends, who may not be close forever – and password-protect your phone so no one can use it to impersonate you. You’ll find advice at passwords.connectsafely.org.
  • If someone you know is being bullied, take action. Just standing by can empower an aggressor and does nothing to help. The best thing you can do is try to stop the bullying by taking a stand against it. If you can’t stop it, support the person being bullied. If the person’s a friend, you can listen and see how to help. Consider together whether you should report the bullying. If you’re not already friends, even a kind word can help reduce the pain. At the very least, help by not passing along a mean message and not giving positive attention to the person doing the bullying.

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Body image and pressure to be “perfect”

  • We all want to be our best and look our best but none of us is perfect, including the seemingly “perfect” people we see on social media. That amazing look, that perfect vacation, that great-looking car or house, or that awesome social life probably isn’t as perfect as it looks
  • When it comes to physical appearance, not everyone can be a supermodel, and even supermodels don’t look as perfect in their day-to-day lives as they do in professionally produced photos and videos after spending a lot of hours and a lot of money on make-up, wardrobe and, in some cases, plastic surgery
  • Besides, we live at a time when the world is increasingly embracing diversity when it comes to standards of beauty and self-worth. This is especially true for younger generations
  • Think before using a filter or any other artificial way to look different (“better”) than you actual are
  • Know that authenticity is highly valued and has been shown to have a positive impact on
  • Reflect on why you may be attributing your self-worth to the number of likes on a photo or the number of followers on an account.  Genuine relationships with people who care about each other tend to be much more satisfying than mere numbers of followers

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Hate speech

  • Hate speech is more than just harsh words. It can be any form of expression intended to vilify, humiliate, or incite hatred against a group or class of people.
  • It can occur offline or online, or both. It can be communicated using words, symbols, images, memes, emojis and video. Memes, for example, may be images or images with words that appear to be humorous or even cute, like the white supremacists’ use of Pepe the Frog, a cartoon-like character that doesn’t inherently have racist or anti-Semitic meaning.
  • Those who traffic in hateful memes may dismiss concerns by saying, “we’re only kidding” or “it’s a joke,” but in context, hateful memes can have meaning to those who traffic in hate speech. Cartoons that depict ethnic or religious groups or even genders in “humorous” ways can – but are not always – be an example of hateful memes.
  • Unlike most other countries, there is no legal definition of hate speech in the United States. Most hateful language is protected, and therefore legal, under the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which guarantees the right to be free from government interference in speech. But, even under the First Amendment, hate speech is unprotected and not permitted when it directly incites imminent criminal activity or includes specific threats of violence targeted against a person or group.

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Child and teen predation and grooming

  • Though rare, there are cases where children and teens have been lured and harmed by online sexual predators. In many cases, the assaults begin after a period of grooming where the predator establishes a relationship and builds trust over-time. Sometimes it involves flattery, sometimes sympathy, other times offers of gifts, money, or modeling jobs.
  • The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) has identified many different approaches used by offenders, including:
    • Engaging in sexual conversation/role playing as a grooming method, rather than a goal.
    • Asking the child for sexually explicit images of themselves or mutually sharing images.
    • Developing a rapport through compliments, discussing shared interests or “liking” their online post, also known as grooming.
    • Sending or offering sexually explicit images of themselves.
    • Pretending to be younger.
    • Offering an incentive such as a gift card, alcohol, drugs, lodging, transportation or food.
  • NCMEC recommends that parents:
    • Talk to kids about the importance of privacy settings. For young kids, the expectation should be that they are only connected with people they know in real life.
    • Talk to teens about sexting; sending explicit images of themselves to other users could end up with unintended people seeing the image, or even a blackmail situation.
    • Talk to kids and teens about behaviors that may put them at risk for online enticement such as lying about their age and engaging in sexualized conversations with unknown users online.
    • Talk to children of all ages about healthy relationships. Discuss boundaries and respect, making it clear that when in a healthy relationship, one shouldn’t feel pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable, or being asked to keep secrets.

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Smartphone use

  • Phones are personal. Letting other people use your phone when you’re not around is like letting them have the password to your social network profile. They can impersonate you, which gives them the power to mess with your reputation and relationships. Lock your phone when you’re not using it, and use strong and unique passwords for all your apps.
  • Watch your photos to make sure that they are appropriate. Think about how you and others are dressed, and be aware of how anything in the background that could embarrass you or give away your privacy. Know how to turn off location sharing on photos and respect other people’s privacy by not posting pictures of them without their permission.
  • The value of presence. If you do a lot of texting, consider the impact that being “elsewhere” might be having on the people around you. Your presence during meals, at parties, in the car, etc. is not only polite, it’s a sign of respect and appreciated.
  • Know what your apps know. Pay attention to any permissions apps request as you install them. If an app asks to access your location, contact list, calendar or messages or to post to your social networking services, consider if the app really needs that information to function. When in doubt, consider withholding permission or not using that app.
  • Downtime is good. Constant texting and talking can affect sleep, concentration, school, and other things that deserve your thought and focus. You need your sleep, and real friends understand there are times you just need to turn off the phone.
  • Share location mindfully. A number of apps allow friends to pinpoint each other’s physical location. If you use such a service, do so only with friends you know in person, and get to know the service’s privacy features.
  • Have a conversation (not a lecture) with your kids about smartphone use. Consider drawing up a family cellphone contract and talk with your children about why each point is important (there’s a sample contract at ConnectSafely.org/mobile). Model healthy behavior when it comes to your screen use.
  • Don’t text or handle your phone while driving. Texting or even touching your phone while driving is dangerous and illegal in many states.  If you must speak on the phone, use a speaker or headset and hands-free controls. Never text, send or read email or post online and if you use your phone for navigation or listening to music or podcasts,  set it before you leave or use hands-free voice recognition.

Parental controls

  • Consider parental-control tools. There are actually two major types of parental controls. The first is family rules or guidelines that you establish with your children, and the second is technology tools provided by device makers and app developers. If you do use technology to monitor or limit your child’s phone activities, in most cases, it’s a good idea to be upfront with them and revisit it every now and then as they mature.
  • There are tools that can help parents monitor and, in some cases, control the technology their kids are using. These include tools built into devices or apps as well as third-party parental control tools.

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