by Stephen Carrick-Davies

“It was staggering, we never imagined such a group of kids could be so cruel to one of their own classmates. The ganging-up was beyond belief; we just didn’t know quite what to do.”

These were the words of a Head Teacher who was recounting to us at Childnet a particularly malicious episode in his school. Every single member of a class had been involved in sending an abuse text message to one of the students. “The behavior was so out of character for many of the students. It’s as if they weren’t thinking and felt they had to join in because that was what was expected. It was only a prank, a bit of fun,” he said.

As I tried to imagine how the teachers and parents would support and care for the devastated victim -so publicly excluded and ridiculed - the words from Pink Floyd’s ‘Comfortably Numb’ track came to mind “This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.” Hiding behind the glass and electronics of their computer or mobile phone, so many children now perceive themselves to be anonymous and untouchable - connected yes, but strangely disconnected from the consequences of inappropriate actions and so often feeling little empathy with the victim.

As we enter our second decade of E-Safety education, it is right for all of us to review the internet safety advice we give to children in light of the latest research. In an age where young people are freely giving out personal information and have learned the rules of being careful in talking to strangers, it’s time to turn our attention to the reality that children are more likely to be involved in cyberbullying and harassing each other as they are being in touch with a stranger. Reminding children to keep their personal information private is still important, especially with the growing threat of identity theft, but helping children draw up, and keep to clear boundaries in online conversations is crucial to helping keeping children safe. More than ever we need to remind children about the consequences of their online actions and - tough it is difficult –to help children retain their empathy and care about those who they connect with in their online world.

What is peculiar about cyberbullying is the way in which the bystander can quickly become caught up in the activities and become an accessory to the abuse. Here in England research carried out for the Anti-Bullying Alliance (ABA), has found that 22% of 11-16 year-olds had been a victim of cyberbullying. Childnet has been working with the Education Ministry in drawing up guidance for schools on how to respond to cyberbullying.

We’ve produced a new film aimed at the bystander reminding them that if they “laugh at it … they are part of it !” Over the autumn we will be running national conferences with the Government and developing guidance and resources which help schools to both respond but also prevent cyberbullying in the first place.

However helping schools is only one part of the answer and supporting Parents is crucial. That’s why Childnet is so pleased to be supporting ConnectSafely.org which puts parents in touch with each other and helps them know how to talk to their kids about their online behavior.

Teaching children about empathy isn’t easy. It’s not something you can simply download or install on your computer. Similarly it’s not a separate tutorial which you can teach and test in the classroom. No it is something which is learnt often through pain and mistakes, through years of being honest with your children, of modeling care and love in every part of our lives. It’s something which we as parents need to learn as well, and actively demonstrate to our children. Let’s work together to help children how to make the most out of the amazing social web.

Stephen Carrick-Davies is CEO of London-based Childnet International. Childnet has produced a range of resources for parents and schools including ‘Know IT ALL’ tutorials see www.childnet-int.org/kia

Views expressed by guest commentators do not necessarily reflect those of ConnectSafely.org.